Halloween Advent Calender, Day 9

50 Things That Disturbed Me as a Child (and now)

1. Zombies: hands down, nothing flat, zombies scared, and continue to scare, the living bejeezus out of me.

2. Music played backwards so that you can hear the “hidden messages” within: because in addition to sounding just plain scary, they’re usually about Satan.

3. My mother’s doll collection: despite being an anime pedophile, I’m pedophobic, as in dolls and sometimes small children scare me irrationally. She has some creepy ass dolls though.

4. Driving/riding alone in the front seat: its that whole “there’s something on the wing!” scenario, only its in the window, and thus much, much closer to eating your face.

5. The ghostly sounds of children laughing or singing: these are usually harbingers of bad things coming to eat your face.

6. Ghosts: cuz you can’t stop them by conventional means…unless you’re armed with a camera.

7. Cemeteries: which is where a) zombies come from, or b) ghosts come from.

8. Recordings of “voices” in cemeteries: EVP work as a whole is just plain creepy.

9. Creepy little girls w/ hair over their face: thank you and fuck you Japan (and every other Asian country w/ vengeful yurei type spirits).

10. Freddy Krueger, Jason, Leatherface, etc.: movie monsters can never be stopped. They always have sequels. Including n00bs like Jigsaw.

11. Livestock eyes: you ever looked at a scared horse? Have you lived to tell about it?

12. The song Hotel California: For some unknown reason, it scares the bejeezus out of me. You can check in, but never check out.

13. Watching Arachnaphobia as a child, then finding out my 4th grade teacher owned a taratntual in the classroom: do I have to spell it out for you?

14. Progressively growing louder music/noise: besides painful, the decibels and growing volume for some reason trigger some primal fear of it.

15. Open casket funerals: nuff said.

16. Horror movies in which extreme gore is the theme: because some part of you wonders what you would do in the situation, and since you’re neither good-looking or an actor, there’s no way you’ll live through the experience to sell movie rights afterwards.

17. The thought of having my Achilles’ Tendon cut or severed: you know you can’t walk w/o that tendon, right?

18. The sound of a knife grinding against a plate: its like an ice-pick to my ears.

19. Holes in a wall: you never know what’s on the other side.

20. The old Twilight Zone: great ambiance….sometimes too great.

21. This sports drink commercial where athletes were in weather so hot, their lower torsos were melting: I dunno, its an old sports drink commercial. The thought of melting onto the sidewalk disturbs me beyond reason.

22. Vincent Marcone’s artwork: check him out its crazy.(2000 Version)

23. Children’s graves: besides unbearably sad, you never know when one might pop right up to get you.

24. Pet’s graves: see above.

25. The creek behind my mother’s old house: people were always getting murdered/raped/attacked there. You never knew what could happen at an old creek like that. Didn’t help living so close to crime central (well, sorta).

26. Basements and attics: cuz that’s where the people in horror movies always get killed in. And where the killers/monsters/ghosts always hide.

27. Video camera horror movies (i.e. Blair Witch Project): its too real. Too close to real life.

28. Flash cartoons or animations intended to lure you into a false sense of security and then scaring you half to death by sudden imagery and/or sounds: I FUCKING HATE THOSE THINGS.

29. Seemingly peaceful/cute flash cartoons or animations intended to lure you into a false sense of security and then scaring you half to death by sudden imagery and/or sounds: I FUCKING HATES THOSE ONES EVEN MORE.

30. Under your bed and the closet: cuz that’s where the bad things hide to get you.

31. Learning the truth about the song Every Breath You Take: you know its about a stalker, right?

32. Mr. Ed’s lips: man….creepy shit.

33. Handprints on the wall: do I have to spell it out for you?

34. The concept of a gremlin or other such creature hitching a ride on your car, and you’re the only one who sees it: see entry4.

35. My old PeeWee Herman doll I recently found with its broken voice box: scary enough when it worked, sounded downright demonic when half-dead.

36. PeeWee Herman’s talking furniture: Cuz its just wrong,

37. The concept of having my lips sewn shut like Loki did in one of the old Norse Myths: sounds painful, but any mouth mutilation gets me creeped out.

38. The realization of no happy endings, according to the Norsemen, and the predictions that we’ll all go up in flames after reading about Ragnarok at 8: Cuz the Apocalypse is scary to an 8 year old.

39. Unreadable graffiti in my mom’s old house, on a wall in my room: it could be a racial slur, or it could be a scrawl that dictated some evil spell over the house. Either way, I didn’t want to mess with it.

40. Non-existence: just try to wrap your mind around it. Its not exactly cozy, is it?

41. The sound effects from Psycho, used in movies to scare you at a moment’s notice: you know; that “RRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!” noise.

42. Glow-in-the-Dark items you forgot you left out: it kinda looks like they move on their own if you’re real tired.

43. A woman screaming in abject pain and horror: I dunno why, but there’s something primally frightening of a woman screaming.

44. My grandmother’s back bedroom, in which their dog had been buried in front of: it was always cold, no matter the weather (California gets hot sometimes). Plus, there were always strange noises outside if you slept there. Its not so bad now cuz my grandmother sleeps there now, but when it wasn’t being used, it always seemed forboding.

45. An old statue my grandparents have at the landing of their staircase: its this totem pole/voodoo looking thing that just stares art you with this blank stare. Its in a corner downstairs now, but when you turn it around, it looks like a man whizzing on the wall, so I guess its not so bad.

46. The fear of “The Big One”, as a resident of the Bay Area: we’re gonna bypass doom and break off to go hang w/ Hawaii. Alaska can come too,

47. Cataclysmic disaster movies at a young age: when you’re young, you tend to let your imagination run wild enough to consider a giant tidal wave coming to drown your 50 mile inland town.

48. Dismembered dolls: probably because it looks so human, that the mutilation seems to disturbing.

49. Pyramid Head: fucker’s invulnerable, is a rapist, can rip your skin off in one go, and ends all boss battles on his terms. PH is God, and everyone else are either target practice for javelins or bananas that need to be peeled.

50. Infinity: its too damn big for me to wrap my head around.

*50 is a lot, Lunies*